I have written many articles and taught many classes about grief. So, I am familiar with the stages, and how to explain the process to others. However, when it hits home…it’s completely a different story. It doesn’t matter how much knowledge I have on the subject it hurts and it hurts a lot. My aunt and a very good friend both passed away this week. I’m distraught, tearful, sad and all the knowledge in the world isn’t going to take my pain away. Losing someone you love is very painful —besides the loss of the deceased, it brings up past losses to grieve all over again.
In my religion after the funeral, the family goes back to the families home and their friends fix them a meal. The custom of sitting “shiva” is a very old and valuable tradition. The week following the death, friends and families bring food and gather together for a couple of hours every in the evening to mourn together.
I love the concept of celebrating a persons life rather than mourning their death. Well, that’s a bunch of “squaleybunk”! It sounds great in theory but, it is unrealistic for the average person. In my feeling world it hurts and have you ever heard the expression…. “a shoe is a shoe” well sometimes feelings are just feelings and need to be expressed. As in the 23 psalm……there is a time to be born and a time to die, there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. It is important to remember, and with those memories there is both sadness and joy. But it takes time to before you can “Celebrate what they brought to your life” So, lets be honest with yourself…losing a loved one, is painful. I will agree don’t stay stuck in the grief but to pretend it doesn’t exist is” bullhickey”.
God bless my Aunt Barbara, and my friend Harriet, may their souls rest in peace. Please bring comfort to all those who mourn their deaths.